7 Strategies to Face Life's Challenges

7 Strategies to Face Life's Challenge

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In our personal lives as well as on a global scale, we face challenges that test our emotional mettle: injury, illness, unemployment, grief, divorce, death, or even a new venture with an unknown future. Here are seven strategies to help carry us through:

1. Turn Toward Reality

So often we turn away from life rather than toward it. We are masters of avoidance! But if we want to be present—to enjoy life and to be more effective in it—we must orient ourselves toward facing reality. When we are guided by the reality principle, we develop a deeper capacity to deal with life more effectively. What once was difficult is now easier. What once frightened us now feels familiar. Life becomes more manageable. And there’s something even deeper that we gain. Because we can see that we have grown stronger, we have greater confidence that we can grow even stronger still. This is the basis of feeling capable, which I think is the wellspring of a satisfying life.

2. Embrace Your Life as It Is Rather than as you Wish It to Be

The Buddha taught that the secret to life is to want what you have and to not want what you don’t have. Being present means being present to the life that you have right here, right now. There is freedom in taking life as it comes to us—the good with the bad, the wonderful with the tragic, the love with the loss, and the life with the death. When we embrace it all, then we have a real chance to enjoy life, to value our experiences, and to mine the treasures that are there for the taking. When we surrender to the reality of who we are, we give ourselves a chance to do what we can do.

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3. Take Your Time

As the story of the tortoise and the hare tells us, slow and steady wins the race. By being in a hurry, we actually thwart our own success. We get ahead of ourselves. We make more mistakes. We cut corners and pay for them later. We may learn the easy way but not necessarily the best way. The old adage puts it like this: the slower you go, the sooner you get there. Slow, disciplined, incremental growth is the kind of approach that leads to lasting change.

4. Practice Gratitude

It is easy to count our troubles rather than our blessings, but such an attitude undermines our ability to draw from the good that we have been given and to see our lives fundamentally as a gift. A change in perspective can make all the difference. Recognizing the good and receiving it with gratitude is a recipe for emotional health and well-being. This attitude enlarges the possibility that we can make use of the good we have been given and even use it to cope with the difficulties that we inevitably have inherited.

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5. Stay Close to Your Feelings, Even the Painful Ones

Often we find our feelings scary, heavy, and confusing, so we try to keep them at a distance. But we need our feelings in order to find satisfaction, meaning, and pleasure in life. Getting rid of feelings not only backfires but it also drains us of the psychological energy that makes life worth living. Feelings are the gas in the engine of our personalities. They are the source of motivation. They are the energy, the vitality, the juice of life. Without them, our lives wouldn’t have any personality or dimension or color. There wouldn’t be any joy or creativity or fun. There wouldn’t be you. There wouldn’t be me. Without our feelings, nothing would really matter.

6. Accept Success and Failure as Part of Life’s Journey

We are all learning. No one gets it right every time.  A more compassionate attitude toward ourselves only helps us to stay in the game. The dynamic process of life—trying, succeeding, failing, and trying again—is the only way to develop lasting confidence in ourselves. We learn through experience that we can both succeed and recover from failure. We also learn to be humble and so develop a view of ourselves as limited creatures that will always need the help and support of others. No matter how mature or successful we become, the child within always will need mentors and friends who’ll see us through.

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7. Tend to Your Loving Relationships

It is easy to neglect what matters the most: our relationships with those we love. These relationships don’t just happen magically; they grow and are sustained through attentive care and hard work. Mature love—whether in marriage, family relationships, or friendships—is a dynamic, living experience. It is something you choose every day. It is something that is earned every day. It requires commitment to keep it working. It involves a daily process of overcoming the distance and honoring the separateness between us. It accepts the reality that we will hurt one another and be hurt by one another. It is the nature of being human. These pains cannot be avoided. We can only devote ourselves to do what we can do to weather them and to mend them. So then, love essentially is repair work. We tend to the hurts. We try to heal them. We express our concern. We take responsibility for our mistakes; we learn to say we’re sorry. We try to make amends. We learn to forgive; we accept the forgiveness of another. As the monks do every day, we fall down and get up, fall down and get up again.

Copyright 2014 by Jennifer Kunst, PhD

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101 Ways to Live Your Best Life

1. Live every day on a fresh new start. Don’t be held back by what happened yesterday, the day before, the week before, the year before, or even decades ago. Life is short, so live in the present moment.
   
2. Be true to who you are. Stop trying to please other people or to be someone else. It’s better to be an original version of yourself rather than be an exact duplicate of someone else.
3. Quit complaining. Don’t be like the howling dog, always howling and never doing anything. Stop complaining about your problems and work on them instead.
4. Be proactive. Stop waiting for others around you to do something and take action yourself instead.
5. Rather than think “what if,” think “next time”. Don’t think about the things you can’t change (namely what has happened and other people’s thoughts) or unhappy things, because these are disempowering. Instead focus on the things you can action on. That’s the most constructive thing you can do in any situation.
6. Focus on WHAT vs. How. Focus on WHAT you want first, before you think about HOW to do it. Anything is possible as long as you set your mind, heart, and soul to it.
7. Create your own opportunities. You can wait for opportunities. Or you can go out there and create your own opportunities. The latter is definite and much more empowering.
8. Live more consciously each day. Stop sleepwalking through life. Your life is something to be experienced, not coasted through.
9. Be committed to your growth. In the Map of Consciousness, there are 17 levels of consciousness — from Shame to Enlightenment. The higher your consciousness level, the richer your life experience. Achieving a higher consciousness comes from your commitment to your growth.
   
10. Know your inner self. This means knowing who you are and what you represent. Be clear of your personal identity. Read: Finding Your Inner Self
11. Discover your life purpose. Set the mission statement for your life, one that will drive you to live your life to the fullest. Read: How to Discover Your Life Purpose (series)
12. Live in alignment with your purpose. What can you start doing immediately that will let you live 100% in alignment with your purpose? How can you live true to your purpose within every situation you are in, every second of the day?
13. Set your life commandments. Define your personal commandments to live your best life. What adages and principles do you want to follow in your life?
14. Discover your values. Values are the essence of what makes you, you.
15. Hold yourself to the highest conduct. Every one of us have our own set of ethics and principles. Live true to them every day. Also, live in full alignment with your purpose (#12), commandments (#13) and values (#14).
16. Stop putting life on hold. Are you putting any parts of your life on hold? What is one area of your life you have been putting off, avoiding or denying? Uncover that and start working on it.
17. Create your life handbook. Your life handbook is your personal manual to live your best life, containing your mission statement, values, goals, personal strengths, blind spots, and action plans. Start off with a few basic pages, and then build on it.
18. Design your ideal life. What is your ideal life? Design it. Firstly, assess your life via the life wheel. Then, ask yourself what it takes to live a 10/10 life. What is the life that will make you shout for joy? There are no limits in life — only those you set for yourself!
19. Set your goals. After you design your ideal life, set your 5-year, 3-year, and 1-year goals. The more specific they are, the better!
    
20. Take action on your goals and dreams. Create an action plan for your goals. My ESPER: 7-part Goal Achievement series is a great tool to get you started.
21. Create your bucket list, which is a list of things to do before you die. Then, get out there to achieve them.
22. Don’t do things for the sake of doing them. Always evaluate what you’re doing and only do it if there is meaning behind them. Don’t be afraid to quit the things that don’t serve your path.
23. Do the things you love because life is too precious to be doing anything else. If you don’t enjoy something, then don’t do it. Spend your time and energy on things that bring you fulfillment and happiness.
24. Discover your passion in life. What sets you on fire? Go out there to discover what you love to do. Read: How to Know What You Want To Do In Life
25. Make your passion a full-fledged career. Then, start pursuing it. Stop working in a job you feel passionless about. Quit your job when you are ready to do it full-time. Read: How to Pursue Your Passion (series)
26. Turn your passion into a huge success. Turn your passion into a multi-million dollar business. Better yet, make it a multi-billion dollar one.
27. Learn from criticism. Be open to criticism but don’t be affected by it. Criticism is meant to help you be a better person. Learn from it. Watch: 5 Tips to Deal with Negative Criticism [Video]
28. Be positive. Is the glass half empty or half full? What if I say it’s neither? It’s actually all-full – the bottom half is water, the top half is air. It’s all a matter of perception. Take on perceptions that empower you, not those that bind you. If you can see the positive side of everything, you’ll be able to live a much richer life than others.
    
29. Don’t badmouth other people. If there’s something you don’t like about someone, say it to his/her face — otherwise, don’t say it at all. It’s not nice to badmouth others, and it also reflects a small mind.
30. Be empathetic. If everyone only sees life from his/her own perspective, we’ll forever be close-minded and insular. See things from others’ shoes.
31. Be compassionate. Show compassion and kindness to everyone around you.
32. Develop 100% self-belief. Believe in yourself and your abilities. Remove your limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones (In Days 26-27 of Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program, you identify your limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones). If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect others to believe in you? Read: How to Be The Most Confident Person In The World
33. Let go of unhappy past. This means past grievances, heartbreaks, sadness, disappointments, and anger.
34. Forgive those who have done you wrong in the past. This includes backstabbers, those who took credit for your achievements, and those who have done you wrong. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize it was you.” — Lewis B. Smedes
35. Let go of attachments. Don’t get fixated with achieving a certain status, fame, wealth or material possessions. These are impermanent and will ultimately disappear one day when you die. Focus on growing and living life to the fullest instead.
36. Let go of relationships that do not serve you. That means negative people, dishonest people, people who don’t respect you, people who are overly critical, and relationships that prevent you from growing.
37. Spend more time with people who enable you. Hang out with people whom you compatible with: like-minded people and people who are positive, successful, and positive for your growth. You are after all the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
    
38. Build genuine, authentic connections with people around you — friends, family, colleagues, business partners, customers/clients, and acquaintances. Spend time to know them better and foster stronger connections.
39. Connect with an old friend. There is no end to the number of friends you can have. Reach out to people from the past.
40. Do a kind deed a day. What is something you can do today that will make the world a better place? Go and do it.
41. Help other people who are in need. Volunteering is one outlet. You can also start with your friends and family.
42. Help people when they least expect it, without reason. You don’t need any reason to help others. Do it because you want to. Share the love with everyone.
43. Go dating (if you’re single).
    
44. Fall in love. ♥  Read: How to Find Your Soulmate (series)
45. Review your life. Set a weekly review to assess how you are doing for your goals. Review your purpose once every 3-6 months so that you know you’re on the right path.
46. Overcome procrastination. Procrastination is a huge waste of your time (and your life). Get rid of it once and for all. Read: How to Overcome Procrastination (series)
47. 30 minutes a day. Set aside at least 30 minutes every day to work on a Quadrant 2 goal that, when you achieve it, will bring about the biggest fulfillment and happiness in your life.
48. Get out there and make new friends — whether at your workplace, online, with friends’ friends, or in social groups. Read: 10 Tips To Make New Friends and Cooped Up Indoors? Get a Life with These 7 Tips
49. Make deeper connections. Beyond making new friends, aim to make deeper connections. Read: How to Have More Best Friends in Life
50. Be your advisor (from the future). Imagine you’re the future you from 5 years later. How would you advise yourself? Write this advice down. Now, apply them.
51. Write a letter to your future self. Envision how you’ll be like in the future, one year from now. Write as long as you like. Now, seal it and put it in a safe place. Set a calendar appointment one year from now, so you’ll know to open when it’s time. Watch: Write a Letter to Your Future Self [Video]
    
52. Declutter. Start from your computer, then proceed to your workdesk, your bedroom, and your home. When you throw unwanted stuff away, you make room for new things and new energy to enter your life.
53. Keep learning. There is something to learn from everything you see, hear and experience. This includes your mistakes and past misshaps (if any). Learn to interpret each event objectively. Focus on what you can learn from it so that you can apply the lessons moving forward.
54. Keep developing yourself. Equip yourself with a huge breadth of knowledge. Learn different skills, pick up different hobbies, study different fields.
55. Keep upgrading yourself. Equip yourself with a huge depth of knowledge. While you can usually only reach level 99 in video games, in real life you can level up to infinity. Go for further studies if need be. Develop your skills. Level up. Invest your >10,000 hours in each skill.
56. Try new things. What is something you would normally not do? Get out of your comfort zone to try something different. It can be something simple like taking a new bus route, trying a new food item, picking up a new hobby, or something bigger like studying in a different field, learning a new skill, and traveling to a country you’ll never visit. There are no limits (except whatever is illegal and morally wrong of course)!
57. Get yourself out there. (a) Get out there geographically. Go out, travel, and explore the world. Set sail into the sea. Go backpacking by yourself and visit as many countries as possible. Get on a road trip and visit all the places that come up in your trip. (B) Get out there situationally. Stop sticking to routines and comfort zones. Try something different. (c) Get out there in life. Stop watching TV and living vicariously through the TV characters. Go and live the life of your dreams.
58. Be the absolute best in what you do. Go for the #1 position in what you do. If you want to spend your time doing something, you might as well be the best in it!
59. Don’t settle. In the same vein as #58, don’t settle for less. Don’t settle for someone you don’t like as your partner. Don’t settle for a job you don’t like. Don’t settle for friends who make you feel like a lesser person. Don’t settle for a weight you are unhappy with. Go for what you really want.
60. Stretch yourself. What are you doing now? How can you achieve more? Set bigger goals. Explore your limits and break them.
61. Embrace new ideas. Don’t mentally limit yourself. Let your mind be a breeding ground for new ideas. Read: 25 Brainstorming Techniques
    
62. Create your inspirational haven. Turn your room into a place you love. Do the same for your work desk. Get rid of things that make you unproductive. Surround it with things that inspire you and trigger you into action. Read more: How to Create An Inspiring Room
63. Behave as your ideal self will. All of us have an ideal vision of who we want to be. What is your ideal self like? How can you start to be your ideal self now?
64. Set your role models in life. With role models, you become much better than you can be by yourself. I am personally inspired by Oprah (for how she has impacted millions of lives), Lady Gaga (for her talent and not being afraid to be different), Ellen DeGeneres (for her kind heart and humor) and many more. Seeing them and what they do reminds me of what I can be and what I can do, so they drive me to greater heights.
65. Get mentors/coaches. There’s no faster way to improve than to have someone work with you on your goals. Not only will they drive you to achieve more, but they’ll also share important advice which you can use to create even more success for yourself. Many of my clients approach me to coach them and the net result is this: they achieve significantly more progress and results than if they had worked alone.
66. Uncover your blind spots. The more you uncover, the more you grow, the better you become. Read: Blind Spots In Personal Growth
67. Increase your consciousness. The more conscious you are, the more evolved you become. Read: Map of Consciousness
68. Ask for feedback. As much as we can try to uncover our blind spots (#66), there will be blind spots that we cannot identify. Asking for feedback gives us an added perspective about ourselves. Some people to approach are friends, family, colleagues, boss, or even acquaintances, since they have no preset bias and can give their feedback objectively. Day 17 of the Be a Better Me in 30 Days Program is about getting feedback from others so as to uncover our blind spots.
69. Generate passive income. Create passive income streams so that your income is not tied to the time you spend on work. Of course you’ll still continue to work, but only because you want to and not because you have to.
70. Help others live their best lives. There is no better way to grow than to help others grow. Ultimately, the world is one. We are all in this journey of life together.
71. Get married / Start your family / Have kids!
72. Improve the world. There are many things in the world that need your help and attention. Poverty. Disaster recovery. Illiteracy. Children in need. Depleting rainforests. Animal rescue. Endangered species. How can you do your part?
    
73. Spearhead a humanitarian cause or organization that you are passionate about.
74. Give more value than you receive. There is so much unspeakable joy that comes from giving. And when you give, you’ll find that you actually receive a lot more in return, in spades.
75. Be big-picture focused. You can either set your eyes on the big things or get hung up by the nitty gritty details. The former will help you get a lot more out of life than the latter. Focus on your big rocks and put first things first.
76. Be clear of your end objective. What is the end goal you seek? Is the task that you’re working on bringing you there? If not, put it aside. As long as you keep working on tasks that match your end goal, you’ll eventually reach there.
77. Go the 80/20 route. For every goal you have, there are different paths to achieve it. Pick the 80/20 path, i.e., the most effective path that brings you to your goal with the least amount of effort. Read: How to Achieve More With Less Using The 80/20 Principle (series)
78. Work on the 80/20 actions (Prioritize). As you embark on the 80/20 path for your goals, focus on the important tasks and cut out the less important ones. Work on the 20% actions that give you the 80% results.
79. Live in the moment. Do you often have a very busy mind? Calm your mind down. Be present. The only time you’re ever living is in this moment. Meditation helps remove mental clutter. Read: How to Meditate in 5 Simple Steps
80. Relish in the little moments. Snuggling under warm covers on a rainy day. Having ice cream on a hot day. A kiss with your loved one. Being with your best friend. A walk by the park. The breeze on your face. Quiet, alone time. Watching the sunrise/set. Soak in all these little moments of life. They are what make up your life.
81. Take a break. Being the best also requires you to take breaks when needed. Make sure you rest when needed. Doing so lets you walk the longer road ahead.
82. Stop wanting things a certain way. I have a 3-part series on the downsides of perfectionism and how to overcome them. Be firm on your end goals and ideals, but let go of the obsession to have things done a certain way. You’ll realize that when you do so, you achieve what you want. Read: How to Overcome Perfectionism (series)
    
83. Focus on creation. Think about what you can bring to the world and create that.
84. Don’t criticize or judge others. Respect others for who they are.
85. The only person you can change is yourself. Stop expecting others to behave in a certain way. Rather than demand that others around you change, focus on changing yourself. You’ll be happier and live a more fulfilling life this way.
86. Practice gratitude. Be grateful for everything you have today, and everything you will get in the future.
87. Express gratitude. Let the people who’ve touched you know about your gratitude toward them. You’ll be surprised what a little act like this can do. If you don’t tell them, they’ll never know.
88. Let loose and have fun. Sing at the top of your lungs. Dance in the rain.  Run barefoot and feel the ground underneath your feet. Hug everyone you know. Release yourself of your self-imposed shackles and be free! 
89. Get into nature. Many of us live in concrete jungles. Get out of the urban city environment and soak in the beauty of nature.
90. You have a choice. Recognize you always have a choice in how to live your life.
91. Laugh more.  Are you reading this with a straight face? Smile and have fun. 
92. Embrace change. The only thing that’s constant is change. Change means growth. Rather than resist change, learn to be versatile such that you can make the best out of the changes that come. In fact, become an agent of change.
93. Be more risk-inclined. Don’t be afraid to take risks. The bigger your risks, the bigger your return.
94. Embrace mistakes. The more mistakes you make, the more experience you have, the higher your chances of success. Make sure to identify lessons from each experience so that you can build on them.
95. Embrace disappointments. Many people try to avoid feeling disappointed. They develop a negative relationship with disappointment. However, disappointment is part and parcel of being human — it reflects your real emotions. Don’t resist it — instead, embrace it. Learn to channel into your disappointment, emotions, to create more in life. Read: How to Overcome Disappointment (series)
    
96. Challenge your fears. All of us have fears. Fear of uncertainty, fear of public speaking, fear of risk… all these fears keep us in the same position and prevent us from growing. Rather than avoid your fears, recognize that they are the compass for growth. Address and overcome them. Read: 4 Reasons We Should Overcome Fear
97. Maximize your mind, body, heart and soul. Living your best life requires you to maximize yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you are highly successful, have lots of money, have a big circle of friends, and are very spiritually aware but you neglect your physical health, that’s not living your life to the fullest. The same for other scenarios where you block off a part of you. Maximize all 4 aspects of you.
98. Be your best self. Essentially all the articles here at Personal Excellence are about being your best self and achieving your highest potential. It’s by being our best self that we can live our life to the fullest.
99. Love yourself. You are the one constant in your life. Remember to always treasure and love yourself. ♥ You deserve nothing less. Read: How to Develop a Positive Body Image
100. Love others. Be grateful to all the people around you because they help you grow. They enrich your life experience. Without them, your life would not be the same.
101. Last but not least: Love life. I find living to be a fascinating experience. How we’re all on earth with millions of species, 30,000 different life forms, and over 7 billion people, and everyone is thriving in their own way, existing, co-existing, and co-creating. There’s so much we don’t know out there and so much to be experienced that it’s just wonderful. As you live on earth, remember to love life. It’s the only way we have to live.

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